"I'm fat and ugly"

I think A LOT about the subject of us loving ourselves. I can honestly say that not a single day goes by when I don't think about it. There's a couple of reasons why. First and foremost, because it took me FOREVER to FINALLY LOVE MYSELF. Man. I spent way to many years walking around under the cloud of not being good enough, pretty enough, thin enough...not enough not enough not enough. ENOUGH ALREADY.

The other reason is that I hear women and men EVERY DAY talk shit about themselves as if it was the most normal thing in the world. And you know what? It is normal. Or maybe I should say, it's the norm.

Just some of the things I've heard:

  • "I'm disgusting."
  • "I hate my body."
  • "I'm repulsive."
  • "I can't stand myself."
  • "I'm a piece of human garbage."
  • "No one will ever love this grossness."

And many many more. I want to state that the above quotes are actual things I've heard people say--both strangers and people that I know and love. It is so heart-breaking to me. I wonder how many of you reading this are thinking, "That's not really any big deal. We all say stuff like that to ourselves. It motivates us."? Are you thinking this isn't a big deal? You might be. For me, it isn't that I didn't think it was a big deal but that I didn't really think about it at all because EVERYONE DID IT. I was the fish that didn't know I lived in water--it was all around me so I truly didn't know any different. But once you start noticing, you can't stop. And once you understand how deeply damaging this is to yourself and the life you want to live (I mean truly stepping into a powerful and juicy life that has you feeling ALIVE) then you'll understand what a big deal this truly is.

I've been there. I have countless journal entries where (no exaggeration) I've just written over and over again, "I'm fat and ugly, I'm fat and ugly..." It crushes me to think of that version of myself, lying in bed writing in her journal in so much pain.

It took me years to climb out of that deep, dark hole, and now I'm determined to pull others up behind me (and do it faster than I did!).

Why? So many reasons why. But one of the biggest is that WE NEED YOU. And when you are lying in bed thinking you're a piece of shit, or even if you're just walking around thinking good things won't happen until you lose 15 pounds, YOU ARE NOT BRINGING YOUR FULL GAME. And seriously--the world needs you to show up powerfully. I believe that all of us, deep inside, want to be in service to the world--make this a better place. We want to know we are making a difference even if it is just in our small corner...if you think that sounds cheesy then 1) yes, I agree, it sounds cheesy but 2) it's dead on. And 3) if you're denying that then you just aren't willing to own that part of you that wants to shine--to truly bring passion and purpose to your life. I get it. It's scary. It can feel daunting. But truthfully, avoiding that, dulling your passions, editing yourself in order to please others and not make waves...oooooooh! THAT IS EXHAUSTING!

So what I'm saying here is that THE FUTURE OF THE WORLD IS AT STAKE. That's how important learning to love yourself is!

This is February. It's the month we associate with love. I am declaring February the LEARN TO LOVE YOURSELF month. Yes, it is f**king hard. And yes, it is totally worth it.

I know you have a lot of questions. The main question is HOW???? HOW DO I LOVE MYSELF??? The mantras don't work! Thinking positive only goes so far! And anyways, I truly am not good enough so come on! I'm not lovable!

I get it. I've been there. And I'm going to help you. This entire month I'm going to talk about this and get you on that path. Because THE TRUE YOU IS WAITING. It's ready to SHINE!

And since it is Soul Song Sunday, we are going to jam to some self love by the breathtaking India Arie. Put this song in your pocket and listen to it every day--it's going to start you down that road to LOVE of SELF.

 

India Arie VIDEO

 

 

 

Sometimes I shave my legs and sometimes I don't
Sometimes I comb my hair and sometimes I won't
Depend of how the wind blows I might even paint my toes
It really just depends on whatever feels good in my soul

I'm not the average girl from your video
And I ain't built like a supermodel
But I learned to love myself unconditionally
Because I am a queen
I not the average girl from your video
My worth is not determined by the price of my clothes
No matter what I'm wearing I will always be
India.Arie

When I look in the mirror and the only one there is me
Every freckle on my face is where it's suppose to be
And I know my creator didn't make no mistakes on me
My feet, my thighs, my lips, my eyes, I'm loving what I see

I'm not the average girl from your video
And I ain't built like a supermodel
But I learned to love myself unconditionally
Because I am a queen
I not the average girl from your video
My worth is not determined by the price of my clothes
No matter what I'm wearing I will always be
India.Arie

Am I less of a lady if I don't wear panty hose
My momma said a lady ain't what she wears but what she knowsâ?¦
But I've drawn the conclusion, it's all an illusion
Confusion's the name of the game
A misconception, a mass deception,
Something gotta change

Now don't be offended this is all my opinion
Ain't nothing that I'm saying law
This is a true confession
Of a life learned lesson
I was sent here to share with y'all
So get in when you fit in
Go on and shine
Clear your mind
Now's the time
Put your salt on the shelf
Go on and love yourself
Cause everything's gonna be alright

I'm not the average girl from your video
And I ain't built like a supermodel
But I learned to love myself unconditionally
Because I am a queen
I not the average girl from your video
My worth is not determined by the price of my clothes
No matter what I'm wearing I will always be
India.Arie

Keep your fancy drink, and your expensive minks
I don't need that to have a good time
Keep your expensive cars and your caviar
All I need is my guitar

Keep your crystal and your pistol
I'd rather have a pretty piece of crystal
Don't need you silicone, I prefer my own
What god gave me is just fine

I'm not the average girl from your video
And I ain't built like a supermodel
But I learned to love myself unconditionally
Because I am a queen
I not the average girl from your video
My worth is not determined by the price of my clothes
No matter what I'm wearing I will always be
India.Arie