Motherhood...and all the in-betweens

First and foremost, HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY to all the moms out there.

I really honor motherhood and all that goes with it. Frankly, it's by far the hardest job I've ever had. I've struggled with it. I've had some really shitty times with it. I've shamed myself because I didn't always feel those blissed out totally sacrificing and selfless vibes that our society and culture tells us motherhood is. I've talked to so many moms and I can tell you--that is a mythology I think we need to stop perpetuating because it's very damaging. But that's another story for another day!

What I'm trying to say it--holy crap--you deserve to be honored because raising children, while so wonderful and rewarding (truthfully the most wonderful and rewarding thing I've ever done), is also exhausting, often thankless, and very much unpaid :) Happy Mother's Day you beautiful women. I see you and I gain strength from you.

To those of you who are not mothers but want to be: this can be an especially painful day. I am holding you with love. I feel the cruelty of wanting a child so badly and not yet having that dream come true yet. Whatever you need to do today in order to take care of yourself (massage, hike, Netflix binge, ice cream, tears...) please do that. I wish I could take your pain away.

To the children that have two dads (or one just one dad): I'm just thinking about those kiddos that go to school and are surrounded by all the cultural trappings of Mother's Day...the discussions, the art projects...sometimes school assemblies...all for Mom. To all you kids and all you dads: YOU ROCK. Celebrate however the heck you want! And that art project? Dad will still love it.

To mothers who have lost their children: no words, just deep unfathomable pain in my heart. I love you. I am so sorry.

To children who have lost their mothers: I have been told by someone close to me that lost her mom, that no matter how old you are when you lose your mom, it feels like you're an orphan. This has got to be a painful day. I can't imagine the hurt that comes up. Sending you so much love.

To those of you who had SHITTY moms: for those with toxic moms this can be the annual holiday of dread. I hope you're able to grieve and I hope you're able to be with people you love and who love you.

To mothers that cannot be with their children today because they areincarcerated: the vast majority of you are in prison for nonviolent drug charges --and most of those charges are brought on to you because the man you loved gave your name to police in exchange for a more lenient sentence. Your sentence is often outrageously harsh (IMO) and it takes you away from your children, which greatly affects their lives and the fabric of our society as well. To you mamas, and to your children I send love.

"Studies have shown that removing mothers from their children is not only traumatic but also a precursor to a host of psychological problems such as anxiety, depression, shame, and guilt. In recent years, researchers have found evidence that maintaining connections with incarcerated parents can help lessen some of these effects" (Link to quote here)

To mothers who were deported while their children were away at school: you couldn't even say goodbye. Or maybe your children were there to witness their mother being hauled away. For many of you this is the country you grew up in and you know nobody in your native country anymore. You're alone, scared, and have no idea what the future holds. You don't know when or if you'll see your children again. I close my eyes and imagine your fear and despondency and it is so painful. I cannot imagine. If you, dear reader, believe in creating a migration process that honors human dignity, please check out the Kino Border Initiative.

To those of you who do not wish to have children: I am so annoyed with you and on your behalf that other people think they have the right to tell you what to do with your body and your life. I personally do not believe that all people need to have children and I applaud those that are clear about this for themselves. I hope you celebrate yourself today as well!

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I am blessed to have an absolutely incredibly mother whom I love and admire. I feel lucky. THANK YOU, Mom! I am who I am because of you.

I'm also blessed to be the mother of an incredible 7 year old. Thank you, Beck, for teaching me every day what it means to love fiercely.

Today I am going out to a kind of high end Mexican restaurant (high quality ingredients, sort of fancy) that also has some of the best margaritas in SF! Scott (hubby), Beck (son), M (nickname--my stepdaughter), and Erin (my sister) and I are all going out. I'm excited. Cheers!

Mother by Ashanti

Mother by Ashanti

I would never let a tear fall from your eyes,
Cause everyting you are to me,I could never let you hurt inside,
You mean so much and I'm so thankful that your in my life,
And I appreciate your love and all sacrifice,
Without you by my side,I never could survive,
I wouldn't be the woman standing here before your eyes,
You taught me strength and you gave me guidance,
Whenever faith was lost you were there to find it,
And all because a mother's love is unconditional,
With all my heart and all my soul I want let you know.


That I thank you and I love you and
I will never place anyone above you,
Said I thank you and I love you,
And I could never ever place no one above you
You have given me life and I just want you to know,
That your the reason im here today I will never let go,
To everything that we shared and nothing can compare
I thank you, I thank you, I thank you is what im saying.

See I've been blessed to be raised by a woman so strong,
Cuz even when I did things wrong,
You would show me just the way that I should carry on.
You kept me safe and you protected me with all you had,
And everytime I was in need you gave your very las
Without you by my side, I never could survive,
I wouldn't be the woman standing here before your eyes.
You taught me strength and you gave me guidance whenever faith was lost you were there to find it.
And all because a mothers love is unconditional,
With all my heart and all my soul I wanna let you know.

That I thank you and I love you and
I will never place anyone above you,
Said I thank you and I love you,
And I never place no one above you
You have given me life and I just want you to know,
That your the reason im here today I will never let go,
To everything that we shared and nothing can compare
I thank you, I thank you, I thank you is what I'm saying.

I remember waking up early Monday mornings,
With my new dress and my new shoes, with the buckles on em
And you would kiss my face and say I love you baby,
And you would be right there to take all of my fear away.
And when he broke my heart you said it was his lost,
And not to think about about your better off with out him.
Remember when they said that I was never gonna make it,
You said it Shows and all you gotta do is go and take it.


Said I thank you and I love you,
And I will never ever place no one above you.
Said I thank you and I love you,
And I will never ever place no one above you.
See you have given me life and I just want you to know,
That your the reason I'm here today I will never let go,
To everything that we shared and nothing can compare
I thank you, I thank you, I thank you is what im saying. x2

Love to all of you!

Elijah